An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life…. She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy…. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
… Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’ … A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:10-12, 20, 25-26, 28-29, 30b)
May 26, 2023 will be the 50th anniversary of my marriage to my beloved Christie. We will not be able to celebrate it together because she went to heaven on September 5, 2020. With your permission, I will celebrate with you.
During the seventeen years I have provided columns for this good newspaper, I have written three columns directly related to marriage. “Divorce is a Preventable Disease” is available on our Friends of the King Ministries website. “Love Your Loved Ones with God’s Love” and “The Devil’s Marriage Strategy: Divide & Conquer” are both available in my book, “Moon in the Darkness”. Anyone who wishes a copy of these columns can email me through the website and I will be happy to send them to you.
Also available on our website is the column I wrote in the immediate aftermath of Christie’s departure for heaven: “Arise, My Love, My Beautiful One, and Come Away”. That column said what I was able to share then. This column says what I am now able to share after over two years as a widower. And while I offer these thoughts as a husband reflecting on the blessing of his wife, they are equally applicable to a wife reflecting on the blessing of her husband.
Every marriage is different, no marriage is perfect, and because we do not work on our marriages as diligently as we should, no marriage is as wonderful as it could be. But if you love your spouse like I have loved Christie and then become a widow or widower, I can assure you of some things you will never say.
You will never say, “I told her ‘I love you’ too often.”
You will never say, “I held her in my arms too often”; “We held hands too often”; or “I kissed her too often”.
You will never say, “I spent too much time with her”; “I watched her while she went about her day too often”; or “I listened attentively while she told me about her day too often.”
You will never say, “I asked her what she would like me to do for her too often”; or “I asked her what she would like to do and where she would like to go too often”; or “I asked her about her dreams and aspirations for life too often.”
You will never say, “I brought her flowers too often”; or “I spent too much time watching her while she slept beside me”.
You will never say, “I praised her for her good character and beauty of heart too often”.
You will never say, “I wish we had argued more”; or “I wish I had insisted on having my way more often”; or “I didn’t get angry at her enough”.
You will never say, “I asked her if I had done anything that hurt her too often”; or “I apologized too often and too deeply in those times when I knew I hurt her”.
You will never say, “I thanked God for her too often”; or “I talked with her about the Lord and His kingdom too often”.
You will never say, “I prayed for her too often”; or “I prayed with her too often”; or “I sat in the manifest presence of the Lord with her too often”.
I miss Christie every day but would never ask the Lord to send her back to me. For a Christian, … to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21) And just to make sure I personally understand what God’s word tells us on this point, the Lord spoke directly to me during a prayer time at Friends of the King about eighteen months ago.
He said: “Doug, Christie is everywhere you would want her to be, except with you.”
By reading this column today, you help me celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary. Thank you! If you are married and want to help me celebrate even more, please let what I have shared here become a blessing for your beloved wife or husband.
God bless you, and God bless our community.